Other day I was checking the Flab-O-Meter before having a second slice of chocolate cake.
Flab-O-Meter: You know what it is, everyone has one. Pinch that roll above yer waistline to see how much it’s grown since the last time you pinched it. 🙂
So, I’m pinchin’, and lookin’ at the cake. Gotta be scientific about this.
K’kins catches me in the act. “Go ahead, have another slice, you need to put on some weight”.
Something strange going on here……………Gotta be a trick there somewhere……………
So, I’ve got an inkling of an idea swirling around in my brain.
Women want you fat!! EXCLAMATION MARK!!!!!!!!!
- You’re easier to keep track of (size does matter)
- You’re less likely to stray (a guy weighing 300lbs simply doesn’t have the energy to wander)
- She doesn’t have to worry about her girlfriends (doggone sure THEY won’t want a fat dooooood)
- And, you’re easier to get rid of when she finds another man (gentle shove off the end of the pier whilst on a romantic seaside walk……at 300# you definitely ain’t coming up for air)
DON’T BELIEVE ME????
When you met her, you were one studly dooood. I MEAN STUDLY!!!!!!
Abs like a washboard, legs strong as an oak tree, arms like pile drivers. Dood, you had it goin’ on!!
She was smitten. Soft sighs when you walked in the door. Giggled at every stupid joke you made. Couldn’t keep her hands off the inside of yer thigh. SMITTEN!!
Now, you’re like a comfortable pair of old, well worn, shoes (fat shoes). Nice to have around. Steady, faithful, somewhat like a nice puppy.
YOU HAVE NOW ENTERED THE REALM OF THE HEDGE FUND
Nice n’ safe, there for the rainy day. (I’m not saying that she doesn’t love you anymore. She doesn’t put her hand over your mouth, and nose, when you’re sleeping on the couch, farting like an old walrus)
I’m just sayin’……………….
You been packin’ on the pounds.
Meanwhile……..she’s been hitting the gym.
Legs that could cause multiple car pileups.
Tummy (you’ve learned to call it a “tummy” by now) like a drum.
Hind end you could bounce a silver dollar off of, and have it hit someone in the eye over in the next county.
Brother….you’ve been played!!!!!!!!
There you sit on the couch (because all that poundage makes it too hard to move), haven’t seen the end of your whoozitz (this is a family friendly website) for over a year because your belly sticks out so far……………………………….need I go on…………???????????
You ain’t the A team anymore. You could be traded in a heartbeat. Fat free agents don’t command high dollars.
She’s holding you in reserve.
AND SHE SAYS “HAVE ANOTHER SLICE OF CAKE”
Go ahead moron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Forget the fact that you fell head over heels in love with her the first time you saw her in those khaki shorts. And how it sealed the deal when she turned around, and you saw that lovely freckled face, framed by soft red hair.
GO AHEAD, EAT THAT SUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not everything you read on the internet is true 😀 .
I love my K’kins, and would do anything to please her. She has always done everything to please me.
I stay in shape because the both of us like to stay in shape. I stay in shape because I like her to see me in shape. And I stay in shape for myself. So does she.
Listen to What She Says
My lady hates hates most action movies. There’s always a bar scene in a strip club. Lottsa ladies trying to climb poles (strange thing, there ain’t no dogs after them). Said ladies are always in their 20’s, and have no body fat.
Meanwhile…….the rest of the cast (of the movie,,,, remember the movie) are a bunch of overweight, or at least sloppy dooods.
She hates this. She thinks there should be some eye candy for the female viewers.
Well………I’d never thought about this before. She makes sense.
I’m doin’ my best to stay her “eye candy”.